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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.